THE FOLLOWER: Troy VanAken’s Parking Pass Revoked Due to Reckless “Car Concerts”

DISCLAIMER: This article is part of The Leader’s satire issue, The Follower, which released on April 1, 2026.

President Troy VanAken had his Elmhurst University parking pass revoked due to a string of reckless driving incidents throughout the semester. The pass was revoked on March 24 following an investigated scene with the Bluejay Shuttle.
VanAken was seen being pulled over and arrested outside of Dinkmeyer hall, music still blaring from his stereo to the tune of “Radio Hearts” by Gym Class Heroes.

A report on the incident revealed that VanAken ran the Alexander Boulevard stop sign near Langhorst Field and the St. Mary Cemetery and Columbarium, almost crashing into the Bluejay Shuttle. VanAken’s windows were rolled down, speakers blasting Céline Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On,” and he appeared to be singing along when he turned into the direction of the shuttle.
The office of marketing and communication declined to comment on the issue, but in a quickly-deleted YikYak post, VanAken noted the claims as “preposterous” and that the revocation of his parking pass as “a ridiculous affront to our democracy.”

Two weeks prior, VanAken almost ran over Victor E. on the Alumni Circle as well, taking the circle well above the speed limit at 30 mph.
These car concerts are a connecting factor in VanAken’s incidents, as students have reported seeing VanAken swerving down Alexander Boulevard, running stop signs, and speeding through parking lots, all with music blaring from the speakers.

At this time, it is undecided when VanAken’s parking pass will be reinstated.