“It’s Just a Little Screen, Like I Use it as a Game”: The Art of the Situationship

Junior Johnathan Campbell spent time getting to know a female classmate in his freshman year, though the two never defined their relationship. The pair shared experiences, including a dinner that cost approximately $100, and described a mutual connection. Ultimately, the relationship ended due to a lack of commitment from both parties, a dynamic common in what researchers call “situationships.”

“I gained new experience, I learned, and I grew,” said Campbell. “That’s what college is all about, learning about yourself.”

According to an article from the Cleveland Clinic, Susan Albers, who has a doctorate in psychology, explains that a situationship is a “romantic or sexual relationship that hasn’t been formalized.” She says that situationships lack the obligation or exclusivity that relationships do.

This kind of attachment has its upsides and downsides.

These situationships come from a factor of things such as a fear of commitment, rejection, or the possibility of the relationship ending. Something else to factor in is the use of dating apps, which make dating more accessible since you can swipe through hundreds of people all from the comfort of your home.

But not all people on dating apps are using it to find a long-term relationship. In an article from Forbes, data from the Pew Research Center found that 24% of people use dating apps to have casual sex.

Junior Rhianna Bradtke has found that dating apps can affect people’s ability to be emotionally available.

“It’s just a little screen, like I use it as a game,” Bradtke said. “These people text me, and I’m like it’s not an actual person, it’s just a game.”

Bradtke says she has had some bad experiences with dating apps, even seeing some people on there cheating on their partners.

“They can have a long-term relationship, and then I’ll get a text like ‘hey you up.’” Bradtke said.

A lot of situationships stem from a fear of commitment. Campbell says he believes people are feeling like they compete with others, so they do not go for the person they like, or they do not fully commit to a relationship.

“It’s the fear of either losing the person or getting the short end of the stick,” Campbell said.

But if keeping a relationship casual protects the people in them from rejection, why do people still get hurt? In situationships or casual relationships, there is usually a lack of boundaries.

In an article from the dating app Bumble on casual relationships, writer Dana Hamilton explains that just because there is more freedom in casual relationships, it does not mean there are no rules or boundaries.

Love coach Francessca Hogi says, “rules and boundaries in a casual relationship can be regarding safer sex practices, time spent together, the level of emotional intimacy, and anything in between.”

Campbell attributes some of these situationships and hookups to the fact that, for college students, it is their first time away from home with no rules. He says some people mistake hookups for love.

“It’s our first time we actually have freedom, and we all have hormones, so a lot of men and women try to fill the void that they are missing,” Campbell said.

Campbell does not believe hookup culture or situationships can be sustainable, but says he learned a lot about himself and what he wants because of the experiences he had.

With the impact situations can have, mental and emotional health can be affected. In an article from the online therapy service TalkSpace, the article touches on the idea that a lot of people in situationships have where, if you spend enough time with someone, maybe they will change for you.

But people more often than not do not change, and their mental health gets affected. The article mentions how the lack of validation can hurt self-esteem, though most times it has nothing to do with us, but rather something the other person has going on.

While situationships may feel easier than committing, clarity matters more than comfort. In a complicated dating era, the freedom of casual relationships can come at a cost.