Hey Neighbor! Karamo’s conversation with Elmhurst University
“Turn to your neighbor and say ‘love should never be tough.’”
Karamo Brown, a three-time Emmy-nominated reality TV star and best-selling author, brought a fresh new look to being the culture expert on “Queer Eye” and to EU’s campus on Nov. 14 for the annual Quest Lecture.
This exciting visit and lecture add to EU’s history of important figures gracing the stage of the Hammerschmidt Memorial Chapel.
Before the lecture began at 7 p.m., there was a special meet and greet at 6 p.m. in the Prospect Room in the Frick Center. Many campus students and faculty had the immense pleasure of meeting Brown, exchanging a hug, small words, and a nice photograph to commemorate the experience.
I had the amazing opportunity to meet Brown during this time and got to speak to him about EU’s queer student history. Another student who had the opportunity to meet Brown was sophomore Mallory Draper.
“When I was in high school, I struggled with anorexia, and I really relied on Queer Eye because it was a feel-good show,” Draper said.
She told Brown about her experience and how much the show meant to her.
“He had a huge impact on me,” Draper said.
Draper explained that Brown told her he was “so proud” of her and that Brown was “so sweet,” and she tried very hard not to cry.
After the meet and greet, a wave of students, faculty, and community members filled the chapel pews for the highly anticipated Quest Lecture.
This lecture, in honor of Robert Quest, class of 1936, began in 1996 and has introduced many famous figures to campus. This lecture, in a unique conversational style, was on mental health matters and moderated by NBC Health and Wellness reporter Lauren Petty.
Petty introduced Brown to the crowd of eager listeners and began the conversation.
Brown detailed how he studied social work in college, to which Petty asked, “How did that start?”
Brown said it started in high school because he loved getting out of class. Being the youngest of four sisters, he became a good confidant.
“People naturally come to me,” he said, and so he took up peer counseling and loved it.
When he went to college, he didn’t have a declared major. His college advisor suggested social work, and Brown fell in love with it. Being able to work with people and “knowing they’re being heard is a gift of a job.” Petty replied, “We all want to be heard.”
Switching over to Brown’s start on television, Petty talked about his time on the MTV original reality show, “Real World,” which debuted in 2004. Brown detailed that he “wanted to be on TV” and specifically “always wanted to be on MTV.”
This love of TV stemmed from a mantra Brown adopted from his grandmother, which was “you have two ears, one mouth, one should be doing double time.”
Brown took the time to discuss his growth from 2003 to the present and said it “shows that if you keep reflecting, you can grow.”
Brown still used his grandmother’s mantra combined with a growth mindset to “help as many people as possible” on his new talk show, “The Karamo Show.”
“Too many reality TV shows focus on fighting,” and Brown cited popular shows like “The Jerry Springer Show,” which became iconic for the fights among guests.
Brown stated that when he was allowed to have his own talk show, he said to producers, “The only way that I would do it is if there’s a breakthrough at the end.” Brown stated. “I’ll stay on that stage until there’s a breakthrough.”
Petty segued over to the effects social media has on mental health. Brown stated that “looking at someone who has a good life” is particularly draining for one’s mental health.
“Instagram is bad for this,” Brown said.
Brown spoke about growing up poor and how his mother “went to the next town over” because she didn’t want people she knew to see her use food stamps.
“She was ashamed because she was poor,” Brown said. “Never be ashamed.”
Brown also talked about how there was domestic abuse in his household and that it would be under the guise of “tough love.”
“Love should never be tough,” Brown said.
Brown then told the audience that they were going to participate in a practice that he did in church growing up, where one turns to their neighbor and repeats a phrase. “Turn to your neighbor and say, ‘neighbor, love should never be tough.’” The audience in a cadence passed the peace, and Brown continued with his lecture.
Brown spoke about his experience as a first-generation child of Jamaican descent and how he knew nothing about homosexuality.
He talked about a popular Jamaican song that was about killing a gay man and was heard at every family gathering.
Brown stated that his family “had an education from people who didn’t have the education or empathy.”
There were no conversations conducive to growth that he saw growing up, and so this in turn led him to not harbor negative feelings inside.
“Holding it in hurts,” which leads to “pain becoming normal” and the perception that that’s “how it’s always been and how it will always be.” Brown’s feelings were often dismissed by his family, and so he decided to “get more constructive” and find “who will listen.”
Tying back to mental health, Brown stated that mental health today and back then “still looks the same,” with people’s self-esteem being broken down. Social media in particular, Brown said, breaks down people’s self-esteem every day.
“We forget what we deserve and what we should be getting,” Brown said.
This comes from comparing oneself to what they see on social media—the people with the “good life.”
“Comparing yourself to others is a thief of joy,” Brown said. “Turn to your neighbor and say, “Comparison is a thief of joy.”
Brown explained, “Social media often does this,” to which Petty asked, “How do you navigate it?”
“I hate it—it’s good for a laugh, but I intentionally leave my phone out of sight,” Brown said.
Brown then detailed the addictive effects of social media and how “what someone else posts seems to be more important than what is going on in your own life.”
Brown continued by talking about the “practice of self-worthy self-esteem,” for example, “not waking up and self-critiquing.” This self-critiquing practice, Brown stated, begins for most people in middle school and leads to “negative self-worth.”
Brown gave an example about how his friend and co-star John Van Ness would come onto set critiquing his looks, to which Brown would tell him to walk out and walk back in and say something positive about himself.
The lecture ended with a Q&A where Brown answered some fan questions as well as questions relating to the lecture itself, such as how to find a good therapist or which of his co-hosts he would let plan his wedding (he said Bobby).
For the student lecture-goers, there were many positive takeaways from the conversation with Brown. Freshman Emily Deboo said that her biggest takeaway was “switching your mindset.” For Junior Melanie Rogel, her biggest takeaway was “how to get out how you feel.”
Many students found the lecture to be entertaining and inspiring, and they heavily enjoyed Brown being on campus.
A major takeaway from the conversation I found is what Brown calls your “inventory of people.”
Look at how the people around you treat you and others. People, friends and family included, can bring you down with what they do and say, so take inventory and surround yourself with those who bring you up.
“Hey neighbor, it’s okay to set boundaries,” Brown said.