THE FOLLOWER: EU Cafe Recieves Michelin Star
DISCLAIMER: This article is part of The Leader’s satire issue, The Follower, which released on April 1, 2026.
The Elmhurst University cafeteria has received a Michelin star for its excellent college cafeteria cuisine. The award is given only to the best of the best in fine dining. Judges noted the vast array of options for students, such as “an old brown pear” or “spaghetti with hair in it.”
They also noted the swipe system, which was dubbed “genius” because how could anyone ever waste a swipe on such delectable food? Presentation of the cafeteria food was an added bonus, with lots of grays and browns described. Judges explained that the lack of color was OK, as the undercooked rice made up for it.
A free meet-and-greet and meal cooked by Gordon Ramsay was offered as a prize, but the university decided to give each student a Chartwells keychain instead. Elmhurst University will be named on Michelin’s website as “One of the most mid cafeterias to visit in Illinois.”
The head of Chartwells was awarded a medal in the shape of a gold pizza slice for the monumental accomplishment. Along with the medal, Chartwells was given a check for $10,000, which was donated to student athletes in the form of a $25 credit on their Jaypasses.
