“Cocaine Bear” sniffs its way through an absurd plot and too many characters

2 out of 5 stars

Meet Cocaine Bear, a mother of two, and as can be inferred by her name, is a fan of the nose candy. Cocaine Bear’s story begins high in the Chattahoochee hills where she comes across a mysterious package that, unbeknownst to her, would change her and her family’s life forever.

Internet Photo

After just one line of cocaine, she’s hooked, and her life goal becomes ingesting as much of the substance as possible. There’s just one thing standing in her way, humans, specifically, ones with underdeveloped storylines.

“Cocaine Bear” is based on the true story that began Sept. 11, 1985, when Andrew Thornton, a convicted smuggler, was found dead in the backyard of a home in Knoxville, Tennessee. 

Thornton was sporting his parachute, Gucci loafers, a bag with about 35 kilograms of cocaine, and a key to a wrecked plane. After a search that lasted several months, investigators found more than 300 pounds of cocaine.

Investigators also found something extremely curious in the mountains of Fannin County Georgia in December of 1985, two months after the incident; a dead 175-pound black bear. But not just any dead black bear, one surrounded by 40 opened plastic containers all containing traces of the cocaine dropped from Thornton’s plane.

After an autopsy, it appeared the bear had three or four kilograms of cocaine in its bloodstream, although it’s possible it may have consumed more. But what happened between the time of consumption and the bear’s death? This is where the creators of “Cocaine Bear” stepped in.

“Cocaine Bear” hit theaters on Feb. 24, and since its release, it’s taken the internet by storm. With a fury of mixed reviews, I can at least say it’s unlike anything else in theaters right now. 

Spoilers Ahead.

Diving into the big issue with this film, it wasn’t campy enough. I personally love this movie style, which is typically defined as a movie that’s “so bad it’s good,” a wacky and ridiculous nature that’s ironically appealing.

“Cocaine Bear” was clearly trying to emulate this style and it’s disappointing because the potential was there for it to truly be a camp masterpiece. Unfortunately, there were just too many aspects of this that came across as serious and unforgettable for it to fit this genre.

For instance, there is a resounding amount of violence throughout this movie that was meant to play as comedy. There was a great impractical nature to the injuries; On the other hand, they were at times just too hyper-realistic and gory, which in turn made them come across as more serious.

In many campy films, one element that really lends itself well is implied violence rather than full-on gore. Sure, there are plenty of gory camp movies; Nonetheless, they’re typically created with lower-end special effects that don’t appear as realistic as “Cocaine Bear” showcases.

Implied violence can also be much more comedic, as it doesn’t take audiences out of the film as much due to looking away in disgust. Instead, it relies on their imagination, which works to appease both fans and non-fans of violence.

This movie didn’t develop the characters enough for audiences to ever form a real opinion of them, so instead they were taken more at face value.

I also wish this film had leaned into the era it’s supposed to be set in. I mean what’s campier than the big-hair, bright-colored, cocaine-filled, 1980’s? The only things historically accurate showcased in this movie are the props and costumes, making for the rest of it to have a very modern look. 

Had this been shot with the intention of making it look like it was more vintage, as well as adding some grain to the film in post-production, it would have sold the setting more. “Cocaine Bear” just looks and feels like a basic 21st-century film.

Also in the theme of the 1980’s, dare I say I wish there was more cocaine? For a movie titled “Cocaine Bear,” there’s a good portion of the film bordering on mind-numbing, mainly due to the lack of cocaine and the lack of the bear.

These scenes are instead focused on trying to develop some of the humans’ storylines, but there are so many of them that their stories all start to blend together Also, for most of the film, audiences see Cocaine Bear when she’s going into a murderous rampage.

There are some brief moments where audiences see her acting a bit more drugged up, and these were some of the funniest parts of the film. Leaning into this more would have just added that level of absurdity and oddness essential to a campy film.

The characters of this film were very undeveloped to the point of being uninteresting. This is largely due to the fact that there were just too many plotlines the film tried to follow.

If this story had simply focused on a small cast of characters, it would have been a lot easier to connect with them and care about their journey.

Unfortunately, the only character that really garnered any emotional response from me was, surprisingly enough, Cocaine Bear. She’s by far the funniest character, as well as the one with the most sentimental plotline.

At the end of the movie, the audience is introduced to her two cubs and it’s clear Cocaine Bear will do anything to protect them and, of course, provide them with cocaine.

The interfering and annoying humans knock Cocaine Bear off the ledge, forcing the audience to watch as she plummets to a rock below. While she’s lying there on the rock, seemingly dead, the cubs run over to the ledge, clearly in distress, making this the first moment I cared about what was going to happen next.

I was visibly celebrating when Cocaine Bear eventually got a whiff of some cocaine that was spilling from above and visibly came alive.

This film did have its highlights, along with that were a lot of humorous moments that worked. 

In addition, this movie seems to be the type where the actors were likely having the times of their lives getting to play these characters. If they had actually gotten to showcase these characters more, rather than share them with the rest of the ensemble, the film would have likely picked up on that energy.

The biggest downfall of this film is the clear lack of direction. “Cocaine Bear” had a great start with the story it was inspired by; however, the creators couldn’t figure out where to go from there. While they seemed to want to make a campy film, they fell short and instead made a film that was resoundingly unmemorable.