Be your own supporter, five tips to begin your self-love journey
The way self-love is portrayed on social media is revolting, with straight-sized individuals — who are influencers for being attractive — showing off their insecurities, slouching, and not having a flat stomach because of their forced hunchback of Notre Dame-esque posture.
“Tell yourself you’re hot, fake it till you make it” is the advice spewed out, but does it work when you have decades-long insecurities caused by not looking like those people telling you to “fake it till you make it?” Absolutely not.
In my self-love journey the past 10 years, these five tips have helped me more than any beauty influencer could. I’ve come into my power and recognized that just because I don’t have the same button nose, sharp jawline, or size four body doesn’t mean I am any less valuable than those who do.
Delete social media and look back on yourself
The pinnacle of all hurt should not be a part of your life when you are trying to fall in love with yourself. Seeing people smaller or bigger than you that you view as more attractive will set you back in your journey.
Comparing yourself is the enemy and trying to replicate others is as well. Take the time off social media to develop your own personal style influenced by what makes you feel good, not what is in. If you feel confident in your own style, that is one step to success.
Be your own point of reference. Compare yourself to old habits you used to take on; were they good or bad? How have you changed from when you had those habits? Are you stronger, weaker, the same?
Reflect and thank yourself for growing into who you are today and apologize to yourself for how you treated yourself in the past. You deserve compassion and validation, but the first person it must come from is yourself.
Date yourself
If you’re used to being wined and dined by strangers, but still feel crippling self-loathing, it’s time to get off the dating apps and take yourself out. Or if you hate going out alone, make it a challenge to be comfortable being by yourself.
Go to a park with a blanket and read in the afternoon by yourself, have a lunch date for one, or go to a movie. While it may be awkward and filled with side-eyes and comments from friends telling you it’s weird, just remember self-investment should be treated highly in all forms, not just green juices and $200 gym memberships.
Seeking comfort and company in yourself is one of the hardest things, but at the end of the day you have to realize you come into this world alone and you’re going to leave it alone. Get comfortable with being by yourself because you’re the only companion you have.
Don’t look at yourself
While the self-love movement is heavily centered around looking in the mirror and telling yourself you’re a beautiful, sexy force to be reckoned with, it’s not always the best thing.
Challenge yourself to not look in any mirror or take any pictures for at least a week. Not focusing on your physical appearance can help you become less aware of what you look like and help you go throughout the day not stressing about every centimeter of your body.
Ignoring what’s on the outside will help shift the focus to what’s on the inside.
Journaling
While this is the most cliche advice, it is the most useful tool to help document your journey to loving yourself. Write a letter to yourself a year from now, focusing on how you want to feel.
Write a letter to yourself in your hardest time, when your insecurities were at their worst, and apologize to that version of yourself. Healing starts from within, it can’t be fixed overnight nor by listening to a self-help podcast.
Alongside journaling, use this tool as a way to document why you have felt insecure throughout your life. Was it a person or an event? Was it the media you consumed?
Allow yourself to build a blueprint of your life that will dictate what or who you need to cut off, find media that is reflective and conducive to your growth, and set yourself up for success with a timeline of when you would like to see yourself change internally.
Change your language
Negative self-talk is a beast and a difficult habit to break because it easily becomes ingrained in conversation with friends and family. Reverse the switch on it.
Each time you find yourself wanting to say something negative about your appearance, think back to when you were seven years old. Would you tell them they’re ugly, fat, or stupid? No, you wouldn’t.
Why allow yourself to be your own hater just because you’re older? You’re still the same person in the same body, desperately seeking compassion and love. Grant yourself that.
Once you let go of talking about yourself negatively, you will find you won’t be comparing yourself to others as much because you will realize your insecurities slowly start fading away with each positive word you feed yourself.
Also, refrain from commenting on how other people look because you should not talk badly about others to lift yourself up. The competition between you and your social media feed is internal and a result of the patriarchy.
Finding self-love and appreciation for the creation that you are is not going to happen in a week, and it shouldn’t. Shatter your old preconceived notions of what you think is beautiful and realize beauty is everywhere because it is unique.